So...I've been bad about keeping this blog regular. Sorry about that. I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to write about this, because I've already ranted enough, but what the hell.
So, last Saturday night, my mom gets...completely shitfaced drunk. Now, I'm not one to tell people not to drink...except in a case like this. My mom THINKS she's cool with me transitioning, but then every time she gets drunk (which is...fairly often), she has something negative to say about it. Whether it's how hard my life is gonna be, how hard I'm making her life, yadda yadda yadda. Well...this time, she just went off like a bomb, and generally had no concept of how bad this could really get.
It started relatively normally, she asked me a few practical questions--she knows I started hormones, so she was asking if anything had physically changed yet. I said it would be easier for her to tell me, since she can see the changes, but she told me she "kind of goes out of her way not to look." Great start to the conversation. It only went downhill from there--she started ranting about how parents give up their whole lives for their children (I have NO idea where that came from), how completely abnormal I really am, spent about 20 minutes crying and saying "this isn't real"...I think the real kick in the teeth about it all is she kept asking me "Are you okay with me?"
Now, I understand where she's coming from, she's worried she's not being supportive or whatever...but asking that question after basically making me feel completely worthless? Probably not the best thing to do, because frankly, no...I wasn't at the moment. But in the mood she was in, I couldn't actually say that.
My favorite part about it, though, was she made me "confront my father" about transitioning. Allow me to explain why this shouldn't have happened...
1) My mom came out to my dad for me. She didn't ask my permission, she didn't make sure I was cool with it...she just did it. So my dad already knows.
2) Almost this entire conversation took place with my father on the deck with us. Not the bit about any physical changes, but most of it following. So how exactly would he not know one way or the other?
I know I shouldn't take my mom's drunken ramblings to heart...but after all that, after 2 or 3 hours of basically being run into the ground because my mom isn't really okay with what I'm doing...how am I supposed to NOT take that to heart? So...needless to say, I'm looking for a change of living space now.
Anyway. I needed to get that off my chest. I'll try to make blog posts more regular.